The human brain is highly protective, leading us to sense and respond to danger automatically. This is quite useful when the threat is real, be it a hungry bear or a livid boss. But often we perceive more danger than there really is, and that can be debilitating.
Think, for example, how easy it is to psych ourselves out (and read the response as “negative”) when we initiate an honest but difficult conversation with a peer or boss. And think how easy it is to feel attacked and raw when we’re on the receiving end of tough feedback, whether or not the person giving it is actually offensive, defensive, or angry. Because we seldom test these reactions for accuracy, our thoughts quickly spiral to a place where they are no longer useful. Our sensitive “danger radar” make us feel safer in the short-term but can undermine our long-term goals — for instance, having honest conversations that allow for learning while leaving both parties feeling psychologically intact.
So how do we learn to challenge our automatic, often inaccurate, thought patterns and replace them with more realistic and productive interpretations?
https://hbr.org/2016/08/dont-let-your-brains-defense-mechanisms-thwart-effective-feedback